Anyone who is unfortunate enough to know me will tell you that I like a moan, and I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Well, not a bit, I'm an entire perfectionist. But I like a moan, and I have an opinion on quite a few things. Needless to say this has led me to be viewed as (at best) opinionated, and at worst as a complete ******* ****. Still, I thought I'd just air a few things whenever they come to me. So here they are, in no particular order whatsoever. Thanks.

1) Cubase SX - 9/12/2003

I teach and use Music Technology for a living; one of the main things I do is recording, and I do that using Cubase SX. It developed from Cubase and Nuendo, but since its release there have been a number of "How did they miss that" things, which I really can't believe. But the main source of annoyance is what they did to the toolbox. Anyone who has ever used Cubase (apart from on a Mac) will know that you can access all the tools you need by right-clicking; the toolbox appears and you can quickly and simply select the tool you want. I have taught a lot of people how to use Cubase, and every single one of them has liked the toolbox and understood it.

So the wise-asses at Steinberg decided to replace it when they created Cubase SX. One of the great things about the toolbox is that you could get back to your default tool (the arrow) just by right-clicking and not moving the mouse at all. Piece of cake, and it became a totally unconscious act. But when they created the "Quick Menu", they got rid of that. Take a look at this piece of work:

This is the "Quick Menu" from SX 1 (SX 2 is similar, as we'll see). Why does each icon need an explanation? I've not had anyone I've taught who has had a problem with knowing what the icons are - a week's use (at most) and it's second nature. So why waste all this space and make the menu cumbersome by doing this? There's no logic to it at all. And aside from the issue of size (which can mean that if you want to change tools, then you have to move half way down the screen), the old trick of reverting back to the arrow without moving has gone. So there's more cognitive friction, and Cubase becomes less intuitive and slower to work with. This is a backwards step.

So, I got ranting on the Sound on Sound site about this, and came up with the following:

This is my solution to the problem. It still gives all the facilities that the "Quick Menu" offers (with the extra text-based options at the bottom, which no-one would say was a bad thing - being able to normalise or whatever straight off the bat is great, and something I don't want to give up), and it still retains the old way of doing things. With the addition of the arrow selection being a piece of cake, too. I can't see any reason why this shouldn't be used, even if it was as an option.

I put this up on the Sound on Sound site, and had 88% of the respondents in a vote say that either my solution was an improvement (64%) or that to have the option to use both would be the best solution (25%). Only 12% preferred the quick menu as is. And Mark Wherry (who is rather closely involved with Steinberg...) said it was a bad idea, and that I didn't understand the philosophy behind the new quick menu. Which was, frankly, utter rubbish, and typical of his rather condescending nature..

Anyway, out comes SX2, with the "Option to use the old-style toolbox". Which, of course it does have, but again, Steinberg have missed the point! Yes, it's the old toolbox, with the quick way to get back to the arrow tool! But all the menu options are missing! - that's a backwards step too! When will these people listen?

Of course, the answer is that they rarely do listen, and if they do, then it's never to the right part of the sentence...

2) Steve Penk

Twat. Nothing more to say, really is there?

3. The Gym

About 6 months ago, I came to the same realisation that anyone who's been unfortunate enough to sleep with me would have been able to tell me. I was a disgusting blob, and utterly unfit (in every sense). This was brought home to me by two events. Firstly, when driving on the Rallye Sunseeker, I found on longer stages I was losing concentration and getting tired, and at the end of the day I was totally pooped. But more alarmingly, I noticed when I walked past the mirror at Paul's house (kitted to get in the hot tub, so I was in my swimming shorts) that there was a straight line down from my chest to the belt area. I was suffering from potential fat bloke syndrome.

I weighed myself, for the first time in about a year. I figured the scales were broken, as they said I was nearly 16 stone. Last time I'd bothered, I was around 15. This was Not Good.

So, I joined a gym. I did this to get fit, and to lose a bit of weight. I like going to the gym - I go every morning at 7:30am, and do about an hour down there. I feel much better for it, and I've lost nearly 2 stone, and am almost in a position where if I were fortunate enough to be in a room with someone who wanted me naked that I'd actually consider it.

But that's not the bad part. The bad thing about the gym is some of the people who go there, and the things they do. They are mainly in the changing rooms.

Firstly, I am male. As a part of being a male, I own a penis. It's fairly average, as (logic would dictate) are most men's. I have no particular interest in this part of my body. It's functional (well, I hope so - it's not been used in anger for quite some time), but not aesthetically pleasing. And everyone who owns one knows what it looks like. So why the hell are there people at my gym who spend so much time drying/examining theirs? And, more importantly, when stood in clear display of everyone? Look, I've got one, you've got one, put it away, OK?

On a related note, it's an unwritten rule that the first thing you put on is your pants. Except for some of these guys - it seems they'll do everything possible to keep their little friend out as long as possible - I've seen guys have shirt, tie, socks on and do their hair before putting their pants on! I mean, really.

Lastly, there's the posers. And there are a lot of these guys there. Not posing in the gym mirrors (although I'm sure they do that), but when they've done, they spend an unbelievable amount of time looking at themselves in the mirrors in the changing rooms. There's this one guy, who clearly looks after himself well, who spends an age in the mirror every time I see him. He's "doing his hair", except his hair must be maybe half an inch long, so there's next to nothing to do with it - you're talking minor alterations at best. And I've known this guy be doing his hair when I get into the changing rooms, and him still be there when I go, after getting undressed, having a long, hot shower, and getting dressed afterwards. And his hair still looked the same.

Let's face it - if you spend more than 10 minutes a week on personal grooming, and you own a penis, then you are obsessed with your image. Get over it, and go fix a car or something manly.